


What to do to be like the happy ones? (you love)

by DustyHeart



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everything is Jiraiya's fault, Families of Choice, M/M, Maybe a fix it?, Maybe a little Konoha bashing?, Naruto is still Naruto, Orochi collects strays, Orochimaru did not sign for this Jiraiya, So expect feels, The timeline is a mess, Those people carry enough guilty to drown the world, but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DustyHeart/pseuds/DustyHeart
Summary: Orochimaru is a nukenin. He is dangerous and amoral, a scientist with no apparent boundaries, a traitor with plans to destroy the place he once upon a time swore loyalty to, fully invested in his search for immortality. Orochimaru is no good man, he isn’t even a great or decent one, and everyone is fully aware of it.So why exactly Jiraiya thinks that showing up in his lab with a toddler and three teenagers is a good idea?Or: Jiraya doesn’t like the fuckery that is going down in Konoha so his solution is to kidnap a neglected Naruto and leave the place behind, in the process he ends up taking Danzo’s favorite tool, the last Hatake and the best poison specialist of Konoha with him. Orochimaru is not sure what the fuck is going on and Kabuto is way too much amused by it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/gifts).



> Hello!   
> This idea is from the absolutely awesome blackkat i just asked for her permission to use it so the credits go to her (Also go check her fic's they are breath taking)  
> The tittle is the English translation of a phrase by a Brazillian poet, Olavo Bilac. May be noted that i am brazilian so there will be probably some grammar mistakes if you point then to me i will glady correct then.

There’s absolutely nothing special about Oto.

It is a small country, barely noticeable by the bigger nations and hardly a threat to anyone. A decaying economy with criminality and poverty spreading like a disease and not enough security of their own, all the help has to by requested in the foreign Hidden Villages, usually Konoha, but very few have enough money to do it. They used to have shinobis of their own, but like many others small Hidden Villages the First Ninja War made a great job in weakening them and when the Second started it was easy to wipe them out and scatter the few survivors, Konoha and Kiri used to be their worst enemies after all.

Overall they are a ridiculous simple target. And a very lucrative one which is the most important part for Orochimaru’s plans.

Just because there are no more trained shinobi it doesn’t mean the potential is not there, chakra is a funny little thing who as an incredible capacity to run in a family even when a mixture occur and not enough generations passed to all potential be lost in Oto, not enough to bloodlines sadly but better than nothing. The last war left many orphans with such potential after the civilians of Oto started to kill those who could use Ninjutsu, too scared to be caught in a situation where their lands would be used as a battlefield - No nation wants to be another Ame - and those are always the easiest targets.

Orochimaru is not good with people, never was even as a child, he is better with killing and experimenting than with diplomacy. However he was raised as a shinobi and in that line of work lying is an essential skill. A ninja needs to lie to survive, its one of the first lessons to be learned, lie to the Daimyo and pretend that his army is a threat - How ridiculous to think sheer number is enough to stop a Hidden Village of taking control of the country, don’t those people know that some shinobis are able to erase entire armies and change the land? - lie to the client when its needed, lie to enemies or even allies, lie to himself because sometimes that is the only choice. Orochimaru is not good with people, but he knows how to lie, how to manipulated them to get exactly what he wants.

It was easy, even more than he originally expected, to gain the Daimyo permission to build a Hidden Village in his lands, the man was even eager to accept the chance of more power and independence. Not that Orochimaru would accept a no as answer anyway, but having the permission of the man means that no other country can actively attack him there without risking giving the idea of wanting another war and therefore makes everything more easy to deal with. He has enough in his plate with Akatsuki after all.

Leaving Akatsuki was a bold move, Orochimaru can’t help but think, not a bad one mind you just something that can backfire in his face in the future if he is not careful in his actions. But the organization is a time bomb anyway, they are starting to risk too much and Orochimaru is not going to throw away his life for things so ridiculous. He was interested in having Pain’s Rinnegan but it’s not worth the risks, not now when the jutsu is only an idea and the man is in full power, maybe later when he discover a weakness to be explored.

If the Akatsuki wants to hunt down the eight jinchuurikis and risk the rage of the Hidden Villages they can do as they please but he isn’t going to do the same without a army and at least two backup plans. He was always called paranoid in Konoha but in the life of a shinobi, specially a nukenin, paranoia can be the difference between life and death.

Orochimaru looked his new hideout with a critic look, not his best one but soon it will be, this time he as the permission of the country leader to build it after all and that is a privilege he is going to use at it’s fullest - The man don’t need to know who he truly is or what his plans are, ignorance is a blessing for those who are ignorant enough to not understand his motivations.

“Is everything alright Orochimaru-sama?” Kabuto asked pausing his organization of the books “You are quiet for quite a long time”

“Nothing is wrong” The pale man dismissed “Just thinking of what resources we will need to gather to truly start with the plan”

“For the moment we have everything we need, starting a village is going to take a while” The young medic murmured “We have just arrived here”

The older man just made a sound of agreement taking time to really look at the boy, not much time passed since he took him away from Danzo and Konoha and they are still trying to work around each other. Kabuto is a shy boy, the Sannin can point with some amusement, a spy to put many ANBU to shame of course, but still ridiculous nervous around him and always afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

(Anko was the same, Orochimaru recorded with something that is not quite sadness but isn’t anything else either, in those first weeks as his student. A scared little girl hiding behind a strong faced. But she got over it fast too, going of hiding of him to sassing him in the first month)

However they have time to work it, Orochimaru is a patient man and his plans are of long run, the boy doesn’t have to like or trust him, he just has to do what is asked. Now he need to focus in creating his army, Konoha is a strong Village after all and if he wants to succeed there is much to be done, much more experiments to be realized. He just have to wait and prepare, the foundations are set.

A shame that the universe doesn’t look to be going to agree with his plans any time soon.

(Maybe in another world nothing would happen.

Maybe Orochimaru would build Otogakure with Kabuto and nothing would stop them, nothing would happen to modify or to delay his plans. He would start with his experiments and plots to destroy Konoha corrupting many children and destroying even more in the process.

Maybe in another world Orochimaru would fall and utterly destroy whatever traits made him human and nothing would be there to catch his fall, no one would hold and drag him kicking and screaming to something resembling dignity and humanity. Maybe he would end up utterly corrupted, a monster hiding in stolen human bodies, ever hungry for power and knowledge, destroying everything and everyone in his path.

Maybe in another world but not in this one. In this world something happens.)

It happens seven months after their arrival in Oto, a slow day like many still are in this new country, Kabuto is training some new iryou ninjutsu while Orochimaru reads some old scrolls stolen from Iwa about dead bloodlines. Then there is an alert coming from one the many protection seals Orochimaru used to secure their location. His first thought is Akatsuki of course but he dismiss equally fast, they wouldn’t be so foolish to active one of the seals, unless that moronic Hidan.

“Orochimaru-sama…” Kabuto starts

“Stay here” The Snake Sannin cuts in “I will go deal with who is stupid enough to think this is a good idea”

The pale haired boy nods just once, body tense and uneasy but Orochimaru don’t pause or make any sort of reassurance. The invader isn’t even trying to hide his presence, in fact for the way he seen to be triggering every single non-lethal seal in his wake it’s quite the contrary. With a strange mix of annoyance and curiosity the former Konoha shinobi makes his way to the front of the hideout, Kusanagi in his hand and at least five jutsus planned.

What he finds is nearly enough to break his mask of coldness. Jiraiya is standing in his door, a shameless smile in his face and not even a drop of killing intent. For an instant Orochimaru is certain that he is there to kill him and eliminate a threat to Konoha and drops to a defensive instance, but since Jiraiya favorite thing to do is completely shatter his teammate certain the man just gives a lazy salute.

“Yo Orochi. Mind giving us a place to stay for a couple of weeks? Just enough to the hunter nins stop with the search”

Orochimaru blinks. Once, twice and when the vision doesn’t change he considers being trapped in a truly strange genjutsu.

“Oi sensei! We are in a hurry you know? Kakashi is still bleeding, reckless moron that he is. A response right now would be nice”

“Anko?”

“I am perfectly fine, it’s not like I’m going to fall over right now”

“Of course it’s me, or did you forget my face after forgetting me in Konoha?” The girl replies with an expression in a mix of sadness and anger and then scoffs to the boy with clear disbelief “Right, keep telling yourself that”

For the first time in a very long time (Almost a life ago, when Dan appeared in his house with the most ridiculous smile to ask about Tsunade next time off, in one of his pockets a beautiful ring that the blonde woman never knew of) Orochimaru found himself with no idea of what do. In those moments of confusion he decides to actually analyze the situation before reacting.

It’s just then that Orochimaru _really_ realizes what is in his door. Jiraiya is in the front, a shameless smile in his face but now the Snake Sannin can see that there is a _child_ in his arms, a blonde little boy sleeping with no care in the world, and behind him almost being shielded by his large frame there are three teenagers.

Anko is closer, her arms crossed in a protective way and a fierce glare in dark eyes, besides her Hatake Kakashi’s only visible eye is trained in him in a calculating way and he is still wearing a ANBU uniform but like Jiraiya his posture is relaxed and non-threating. The third is another boy, younger maybe close to Anko’s age, and he looks terrified almost completely hidden behind the Sannin.

“What happened?” He asks because then maybe this whole thing will make more sense

“Oh that’s a funny story” Jiraiya then smiles in that particular way that means absolutely no good and hides with near perfection his true emotions “You see I may have kidnaped the Kyuubi jinchuuriki and fled Konoha with their genius, one of Danzo’s ROOT members and dear Anko with me. So… Can we crash with you for a while?”

It could be a trap. _Should_ be one.

But Jiraiya would never bring kids- Even one like Hatake who has been a shinobi for so long - for one of his fights, specially one between the two of them who have the potential to be truly destructive to everything remotely close to them. An ambush is not likely either, Jiraiya may be a splendid spy but it’s out of necessity, the Toad Sage was never found of treachery or foul play. Even if Jiraiya is being completely honest Orochimaru should refuse, it’s the logical thing to be done.

It could be easy fight Jiraiya in this state, he would try to shield the kid and pay less attention to the actual fighting for it, targeting one of the other would work. A simple distraction is everything Orochimaru would need to finish the fight quickly and then he would have some very interesting research objects in his possession. If the toddler is truly the jinchuuriki he is a gold mine of information - Maybe he could even ask something from Akatsuki when he finish with the boy -, the Hatake as one fine example of Sharingan to be studied and for what he remembers of ROOT the younger boy should bring something interesting too.

(He carefully doesn’t think about Anko and her fate. It’s better than admit uncertain)

It would be easy and he wants it. Wants to hurt Konoha and Jiraiya and even Tsunade just like they hurt him.

Konoha was never home after his parent’s deaths, never a place where he was accepted by his peers, they all seemed to hate him even when he was just a boy with too much curiosity and not enough empathy to fit. Sarutobi-sensei always told him to not mind, to simple ignore the stares and the whispers and even the flinches and for many decades that was what the pale man did, it was easy to believe in the Sandaime reasoning and logic was always important to him, to have a reason for things to be like they are.

People fear those who are stronger than they are, especially if they are also different in any way. And Orochimaru was stronger, only Tsunade and Jiraiya are a certain match against him, always a good killer even more than the other shinobi, capable of alone wipe out enemies that others would need squads to handle. It was a ridiculous reason and made nothing to make Konoha feel like home, but Orochimaru was raised to be _loyal_ , to be a proud shinobi of Konoha and that explanation was enough, Sarutobi-sensei, Tsunade and Jiraiya are enough.

But then everything started to fall apart. Jiraiya left first, turned his back to them in the middle of the war to raise some brats in Ame and for three years Orochimaru never received a message, not even a sign that his friend was alive and remembered him. Then it was Tsunade’s turn, the loss of Dan too much for the medic to handle and she left with not even a goodbye, Orochimaru was in a mission in Kiri and when he returned it was to the notice that his teammate had left probably forever.

And that _hurt_. Maybe it’s selfish of him to wish things could have stayed like they are once, but Orochimaru was always aware of his flaws and that is one of them, he is a selfish man and he wished his teammates had stayed or at least bothered to give him a explication or a goodbye. Even when Jiraiya returned things are already cracked beyond repair, without Tsunade to keep him grounded the Snake Sannin was losing himself in dark ideas, techniques that would give others nightmares, and the Toad Sage was too busy for him anyway having received a gennin team to look after.

The final straw was possibly Namikaze Minato. A genius and a prodigy with no match in his generation. Jiraiya’s pride and joy. An enemy so powerful that a whole Hidden Village was told to run away from him, a trained killer capable of wiping out a whole army by himself without suffering any mortal wound, a nightmare to those faced against him. And what was Konoha reaction to that man? _They worshiped him_. While Orochimaru was a pariah Minato was loved enough to be accepted as Hogake.

He hates Konoha because of the double standards. Hates because he was the only one to fall when the experiments with the Shodai’s cells are discovered. Orochimaru is no fool neither is he blind to the consequences of his actions or the horrifying methods used, if anything he better than others is aware of it and therefore is not exactly the reaction to it that anger him to no end.

It’s the fact that the Hogake and the Council turned a blind eye to Danzo’s involvement.

The man not only knew what was happening but was actively involved in it, giving him access to the necessary materials and even children who he believed would succeed. It wasn’t only Orochimaru's crime but he was the only one to pay for it and that is not something he can forgive.

He can’t forgive Konoha and he doesn’t think he can forgive Jiraiya either. So he should attack the man, aim in the sleeping child to distract and then try to disable the Toad Sage while he is busy defending the younger ones. It’s the only logical choice.

“So can we stay?” Jiraiya asked again apparently annoyed with his silence “It’s only for a few days, a week pushing it”

Orochimaru looks at that group and despise every logical part of him screaming against it he moves away from the door and lets them in.

(He doesn’t know what he is really doing and neither does Jiraiya. They have no idea of what changes they are doing to the world with that.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been quite a long time right? Honestly i never imagined coming back to this fic, i was so excited to write it but then my life kinda od became a mess and i just... i just stopped writing for a long while, focused on other things.  
> But i kept on getting emails about people leaving kudos and eventual comments and i finally got courage to come back to this. To everyone who left kudos, bookmarked or commented on this: Thank you so much, it meant the world to me!  
> This chapter was 1/4 written almost one year ago, i forgot some of the things i wanted for this history and changed others, but well i really want to give it another try, so... enjoy?  
> Also this the chapter got too long while i was writing it, so this is just the first part, i have some details to finish in the second, i have too say that it was quite funny to write about a Jiraiya that is not quite the one we see in shippuden.

They stare at each other for what seems like hours.

Jiraiya is not grinning anymore but there is something soft in his eyes that make Orochimaru silently scoff at him, the Toad Sage lost the right to look at him like that decades ago. Anko is still glaring at his back, arms crossed in her best “I’m absolutely angry” pose, the Hatake boy is sitting in the floor- Although Orochimaru is fairly certain that he is just too weak from blood loss to stay in his feet anymore- with Kabuto hovering over him with worry clear in his face, the ROOT soldier stills looks like a ghost from his place close to the door, whole body tense like he is ready to flee at the minimal sign of danger. The blond toddler is still sleeping like he has no care in the world, the first thing Jiraiya did when Orochimaru brought them to his…. Living room let’s say like that, was to put him into a coach, the boy just curled in himself and kept on snoring.

Orochimaru refuses to be the first one to break the silence,  _ Jiraiya _ came to him.

Seeing that he would have to take the first step the white haired man held his breath before straightening his shoulders, there was no hesitation on his voice when he began.

“Right, I don’t own you an explanation” That got him a raised eyebrow but he refused to take that back “But I think you deserve to hear the whole history since you are helping us for a few day. I will warm you though, it’s not an easy one.”

 

///////////////////////////////////////

 

Jiraiya never thought that arriving in Konoha could make him feel so sad and so empty.

The gates used to be a happy vision, the heads in the mountain a inspiration, the streets and the shops a bright reminder of what he was fighting for. But not anymore. Not when his students are all dead, his teammates are gone and his sensei is drowning in crises and the repercussions of the Kyuubi attack, not now when there is nothing in Konoha that make the place feel like home. It’s saddening actually and Jiraiya can barely bear the guilty and the regret, coming here is a form of punishment more than anything and he knows it, a reminder of what he once had and let go so easily.

(Would things be different if he had made other decisions?

Would Dan be dead and Tsunade gone if he had stayed like his duty demanded? Would Orochimaru be lost if he had taken some time to cheek on his teammate, to make sure he was fine? Would Minato and Kushina still be dead if he had actually showed up for the birth of his godson?

Would things be happier if Jiraiya wasn’t so blind and selfish?)

He don’t want alarm about his presence seeing as it would only give his old sensei false hope and set the Council in his ass to become Hokage, he isn’t planning to stay more than a couple of days, just the enough to make sure things are okay and his help is not actually needed. He also wants to check on young Naruto, see for the first time the boy who was named after one of his books, Jiraiya wants to see his godson, see the legacy the love of Kushina and Minato brought to the world, the only good thing to happen in that goddamned day.

The problem is that the Toad Sage as no idea where the boy is. The last time he was in Konoha the boy was still in the hospital and Sarutobi-sensei was still trying to decide what his future would be, Jiraiya supposes little Naruto has been put under the care of some of Minato’s and Kushina’s old friends, maybe with the Uchiha seeing how close Kushina and Mikoto were with Mikoto and Fugaku, but he isn’t very fond of the idea of going blind and risking being discovered.

He could spy or even go check the register of course but that wouldn’t be fun would it? Better go ask Minato’s last student and maybe drag him in the visit too, for what the Sannin remembers of Kakashi seeing the stoic brat with a small kid would be hilarious.

It’s easy to find his apartment following the almost familiar chakra signature, it helps that it’s so similar to Sakumo’s, and only a little more challenging to pass through the traps in the window (after all why go through the door when that way is so more easy and fun?). Jiraiya is already expecting the kunai that would blind someone less trained and catch it before entering completely and giving the young ANBU a smile that isn’t completely fake.

“Now is that how you receive all of your visitors Kakashi? Geez if it is I doubt anyone would want to come here!”

“Only the ones that appear uninvited in my window” It’s the automatic reply as the teenager drops the other kunai in his hand and turn his back to him “What brings you to Konoha Jiraiya-sama?”

“Ah you know the usual. No place has better research material and I think is time to start a new book, did you already read one of mines? I guarantee they are masterpieces!”

“No” It’s the blunt response, he is still focused in whatever he was doing before his arrival “Then what brings you to my apartment in the middle of the night? Shouldn’t you be spying on naked women then?”

“Do I need a special motive?” The Sannin asks with his curiosity picked getting close to the brat sitting in the lone table in the small kitchen “Couldn’t it just be a social visit? Checking over an old friend’s son?”

The mention to Sakumo makes Kakashi’s body go rigid and Jiraiya almost apologies but the tension is gone in the next instant as years of training and repressing things act up and it’s like nothing happened at all but there is no reply and the silence is suffocating.

The Toad Sage takes this time to finally see why the brat is ignoring him so blatantly and has to hide a frown. He had noticed that Kakashi was shirtless and attributed the avoidance to his mask less face (Not that the Sannin hasn’t see that before, being maybe the only  _ living _ person to have done so) but now he is sure it has more to do with the large cut in his side, wide and obviously needing stitches.

“Shouldn’t you be in a hospital? That don’t look very good” The older man asks when the other continues in silence

“It’s nothing I can’t take care off alone.” Kakashi answers finishing disinfecting the wound “If I go to the hospital it will only cause an unnecessary fuss.”

The only reason why a non-lethally injured shinobi would cause a fuss in the hospital is if he had appeared like that too many times to be comfortable. It’s common knowledge that there is a line regarding how many missions a shinobi can come back injured from, of course most of the missions taken by the ANBU are high in risk and often land their members in the hospital, but there are unspoken limits to this sort of thing. Jiraiya can feel a bit of worry starting to settle into his gut.

The suffocating silence returns and this time Jiraiya don’t try to hide his grimace while watching the Hatake work in his wound. This isn’t what he was expecting. Of course Kakashi was always a quiet kind of person, never seeking company of his peers and even avoiding them (To Minato’s utter despair), but the Toad Sage was under the impression that he was getting better, that ANBU was actually helping him cope with the loss of his teammates and he thought that maybe would help him with this new tragedy too. But he was clearly wrong.

The small apartment is void of any homely thing, a picture of his old team in a corner but nothing more, there is dust everywhere like the place wasn’t been actually lived in for quite a long time and the brat is even worse. He is deathly pale with dark circles under his eyes that speak of countless sleepless night, aside from the cut on his side there are some fading bruises all over his arms and some marks in his neck, the look in the eye Jiraiya can see is void of any emotion and send alarm signs to his brain. Those aren’t the eyes someone who isn’t even on his twenties should have. No matter that he is ANBU or not, there is something deeply wrong and the Sannin doesn’t like it at all.

“So how is life going?” He asks with a light tone that comes from years of undercover work “Any new relationships an old man should know off?”

“I’m doing fine Jiraiya-sama” The reply is short and sound completely essayed

“Oh come on Kakashi humor me, sure you have some interesting history to tell me! Don’t think that only because is dark I’m not seeing those nice marks in your neck kid, the Pervert Jiraiya-sama never pass the chance of getting more material for my books so open up!” Jiraiya laughs and trying to get a reaction of the boy amends with a big smile that doesn’t even go close to his eyes “So who is the lucky one? Maybe that declared rival of yours? Or that pretty genjutsu specialist?”

“Classified information Jiraiya-sama.”

The fake laugh dies in his throat.

_ Absolutely no. _

Jiraiya stares at Kakashi and closes his hands on fists. He knows what those words together with those marks means and he hates it, it’s somethings that send shivers down his spine and bile to rise in his throat, he doesn’t know if he should be angry or sad. Seduction missions aren’t a new concept to him, it’s something that makes part of their life even if most of the shinobis will never be put into that situation, seduction missions are very specific demand a certain type of people and are usually left to a very specific type of shinobi, he used to go in quite a few of them back in his youth and for him it was never especial, never something big, but he knows that isn’t the same for everyone, he remembers the ones who came back with hollow eyes, who wouldn’t allow touches. And mostly there’s something very different between 24 year old Jiraiya getting to kiss pretty woman as a distraction and a traumatized 18 year old being send to a classified seduction mission.

He is going to get sick.

The Toad Sage breathes deeply to regain control over his emotions-  _ Why? Why would his sensei allow it to happen? Does he knows it is happening? _ \- and closes his mouth before any other question can escape, Jiraiya is not sure he can bear to know more details without storming up to the Hokage Tower and demanding explanations. Kakashi obvious don’t want to talk about the mission or its implications because he ignores Jiraiya mini freak out for long minutes before finally breaking the silence.

“What you are truly doing here Jiraiya-sama?” He just sounds so  _ tired _

“I want to check on Naruto” The Sannin says leaving aside the happy mask to stare at the  _ boy _ who is avoiding his eyes “I thought that you would be able to arrange this”

“You thought wrong then” It’s the short and emotionless answer

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know where the boy is. The last time I checked he was in on a civil orphanage but that was long ago, I don’t know if he’s there anymore”

Jiraiya freezes. He stops cold in his tracks and stare at Kakashi in a mist of shock and confusion like he couldn’t truly understand what he was just told and in a way he can’t.  _ An orphanage _ ? They put Minato’s son in an orphanage? Kushina’s little boy growing in a cold place not knowing the warmth of a family? What kind of fucking  _ bullshit _ is this? The confusion slowly begins to give space to rage and the Sannin barely realizes he just slapped his hand in the table surprising the younger jonnin.

“What the fuck do you mean with an orphanage?! You didn’t fucking care enough about your sensei’s son to look for him?! Not even to see where he is? What kind of fucking bullshit is this?” It took Jiraiya all his years of training to keep his voice low and not shout to the whole village to hear

“What do you want me to say Jiraiya-sama? I meant it, the Council decided to put the boy in an orphanage after failing to find him a suitable home and I was told to stay away, I’m following the orders of my superiors”

“Suitable home? Do you mean that none of Minato’s and Kushina’s friends wanted to raise their only son?”

“You don’t know?” Kakashi asks and for the first time his eyes shone with an emotion, it is only disbelief but Jiraiya takes what he can

“Know what? That this fucking thing doesn’t make any sense?”

“The Council decided to not spread who Naruto parents are. No one aside from those who already knew about the date of the birth know who he is, the civilians and most of the shinobis just know that that boy has the Kyuubi sealed inside him Jiraiya-sama so of course none of them wanted to raise the baby”

Jiraiya once more just stares at Kakashi. They decided what? To take away Naruto’s history? To take him away from his legacy, from the parents that loved him so much? What kind of idiot thinks this is a good idea? Of course the people will hate Naruto, of course they will exclude the boy they think is carrying an unstable demon. The Toad Sage feels sick, like he is just going to collapse at any second because this isn’t going like he imagined, because all of this is wrong, Naruto situation is wrong, Kakashi’s behavior is wrong, those decision are all wrong.

“Let’s go”

“What? Go where? Jiraiya-sama it’s the middle of the night, where we could possibly be going?”

“We are going to see where Naruto is” The Sannin grit his teeth grabbing a blood stained shirt that Kakashi had left careless lying around and throwing in his direction “Dress now. We are going to see where he is and we are making damn fucking sure that Minato’s son is happy and well cared for and then we are fucking discussing this mess and what kind of fucking mission they are sending you into.”

Kakashi opens his mouth to protest but he must have seen exactly something in Jiraiya’s eyes and thinking better just nods and soon enough dressed his usual attire and followed the angered Sannin out of his home.

It’s not hard to break into the information room, it never is, the place is a security hazard and they are still too short in numbers to send the more qualified ninjas to do the job, young chunnins are acceptable but they aren’t trained enough to handle powerful spies, if they wanted to cause harm to Konoha they easily could, Kakashi makes a mental reminder to talk to someone about this problem later.

It’s Jiraiya who looks troughs the files in a deep uncomfortable silence, Kakashi just watches and waits, body tense but eyes void, until the older man finds what they are looking for and leaves trusting the Hatake to follow him, what he does.

The place is terrible. Jiraiya can deduce it just for the absolute lack of illumination on the street, the foul smell of the alleys and the cracks that show in every building, it’s not a place for an orphanage, no children should live in such a dangerous part of the city so far away from the school and from every source of joy they can find. He hates to think about his godson living there.

The actual building is a picture of sadness, it’s a dull shade of gray with cracks on almost every wall, the garden could have been beautiful if well taken for but it’s clear that no one bothered to pay proper attention to it, the trees are almost dead and the grass too high. He doesn’t want to think about what’s inside, wants to believe that even if the outside is ugly the inside will be filled with children who are well cared for, as much as Konoha like to pet themselves at the back for being the most “humanitarian” village the standards are never high in the first place and the Kyuubi attack left many orphans, Jiraiya is not sure that the Council would approve a higher budget to them when there are so many other problems. He braces himself and without sparing a glance to his reluctant companion sneaks inside silent like a shadow, focused only on finding a boy that was clearly wronged by everyone.

It’s easy to find the boy, his chakra is something quite unique for those who know how to look for it and Jiraiya choses to look through the window rather than actually entering the building and risking being seen be someone who may still be awake. What he sees is an empty barren room, small and devoid of any homely things, the same dull gray in the walls, a small bed with white sheets and a comforter who clearly has seen better days and a lonely stuffed toy resting on top of it, a lonely chair in one of the corners serves as a wardrobe.

Jiraiya’s heartbreak. Something heavy settles on his throat and he squints trying to see where the boy is since his chakra is strong in this direction but before he can think about entering someone opens the door and turns on the light.

It’s a woman and a civilian by the looks of it, she looks worn out and that’s probably makes her look older, her appearance is a good reflex of the whole place to be honest and she stops at the door looking at something behind her, Jiraiya has some difficulty to read her lips.

“Come on now I don’t have the whole night to handle your foolishness boy. We have a curfew and this is the third time this week you are breaking it, didn’t we tell you to stay on your room?”

The two ninjas can’t know what the reply was but it made the woman frown with annoyance and go back a few steps only to come back dragging a child by his arm, a little blonde boy who does his best to break free from her hands but ends up being almost roughly pushed in the bed’s direction.

“I told you to stop it! You are disturbing the others with your noise, is that what you want? Make them all upset? Why can’t you stay here?”

“Because it’s scary!” The little boy almost scream crossing his arms in a protective way “Because there are a lot of weird noises and it’s cold and I hate being here! I hate being alone! Why can’t I have someone to share my room like everyone else?”

“Because you aren’t like them!” Her face is hard and her eyes almost afraid, he doesn’t see a boy, she sees the fox “Because you are a bad thing and you are lucky to be here at all, so next time you turn on the light understand? You turn it but you are not to leave this room or we are going to lock it”

She turns her back without waiting by an answer and closes the door behind her with a unnecessary strength leaving the boy, Naruto, alone in the room. As soon as she leave the boy’s face falls and his big blue eyes fill with tears he refuses to let fall, but his small body shakes with repressed sobs and he climbs on the bed, curling on himself and hugging the stuffed toy like a lifesaver.

Jiraiya, not for the first time in that night, feels sick. He feels like he wants to scream or cry or punch someone- Who he doesn’t know, maybe the woman, maybe his sensei, maybe Kakashi, maybe a random person- that is…. That is unacceptable, that is sickening, that is not the fucking way to treat a child,  _ any _ child. This is wrong, this is so deeply wrong he can’t even put into words.

He breaths and tries to regain some sort of composure before he turns to Kakashi with the questions burning on his tongue Why? Why did he ignore the boy? Why couldn’t he bother to look at the situation before Naruto is clearly suffering and Kakashi was ignoring him just like the rest of the Village, no one there to smooth his fears, did no one shows love to this kid? Is this the normal? Why couldn’t the young man besides him do anything?

But the words lever left his mouth because there’s something on the way Kakashi is curling his hands around his pants, something in the way his shoulders dropped, on the almost horrified gaze in his eyes that made him stop before even starting.

What right does he have to say those things? He did the same thing, he ignored the boy, ignored his existence for years until a whim brought him here. Both of them are so focused on their own pain and suffering that they forgot about the biggest victim of the tragedy. They are both wrong, both guilty of this situation and Jiraiya can’t bring himself,  _ wouldn’t  _ bring himself, to discount it on Kakashi. He was never this type of man and he doesn’t plan to start now.

The Sannin closes his hands in anger and with pain in his heart turn his back towards the window and leaves with heavy steps. He is angry at everything, at the whole Village, but mostly he is angry at himself, again he failed one of his precious people. He failed his teammates, he failed his students and now he is failing Minato and Kushina. He is failing  _ Naruto _ .

What excuse does he have for his neglect? He should have thought about the baby, should have realized that even if his sensei has good intentions he is still capable of failing, shouldn’t have thought that a 14 year old child soldier would be able to take care of a baby.

“Jiraiya-sama….” Kakashi starts but trails out like he doesn’t know what to say, but that’s okay because Jiraiya doesn’t know either

“Go home Kakashi, go get some rest.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before leaving the Hatake alone, mind already running with scenarios, with things he wants to talk about with his sensei, about what he saw. He wants to believe this was a fluke, a unusual occurrence, but he can’t lie to himself that much, he knows what fears do to people, even the good ones, and what can be more scare then the demon who destroyed their Village? Naruto is an innocent child but the Village is incapable of seeing it.

He couldn’t sleep that night. He found a place in the Training Ground 44 and sat there to think, as much as he wants he can’t just barges into the Hokage tower and demands to have Naruto placed in a good family, preferentially knowing who are his parents and how much they loved him, things don’t work like this. He needs a plan, needs evidence that the best to the Village will be to treat their jinchuuriki with love.

How he is going to do it is the real question.

The morning comes too fast and the white haired man plans on waiting until the sun is higher before looking for Naruto, to go see what his godson usually does during the day, maybe buy something nice for the kid to start making up for all the birthdays he missed. He doesn’t quite want to be seen so he needs to think about a disguise too, maybe go see Kakashi again to make sure he wouldn’t talk about what happened with anyone and ruin Jiraiya’s plans.

He got everything perfectly scheduled in his head, even the place where he is going to eat, but since things in his life have the unfortunate tendency of never going as he wants them something happens to thrown him off.

He hears voices.

What in any other part of the Village would not have caught his attention at all, but in this place? That’s what one can call unusual. Kids are usually told to stay away from here and it’s such a strong habit, something that makes part of their lives that they usually stay away from it even as adults. Of course the dangers of the forest help in this, one bad move, a second of bad luck and something terrible can happen. So when Jiraiya hear voices he can’t help but look for them, perching himself in a tree to watch the scene happening right in the entry of the training ground.

The voices belong to 3 teenager boys but they are not alone, a girl stands closer to the forest, her back turned to it and hands gripping a kunai with enough strength to make her fingers pale, Jiraiya doesn’t think he knows any of them.

“So it’s here that the freak hides herself?” One of the boys grins humorless “It’s a fitting place don’t you think Araka?”

“Oh absolutely, after all there are lots of snakes there and we all know she loves those things.”

“Dark and creepy and no one wants to get too close, this place is exactly like you” The first boy laughs “So what do you do there all day freak? Not that I mind, no one wants to see your face anyway.”

“I bet she goes there to talk with the snakes” The third boy murmurs, quieter than the other and keeping more distance, like he is afraid of the girl they are taunting “Isn’t that what her sensei did?”

Jiraiya frowned, silently glaring at those boys and their disrespectful behavior, this is no way to treat a colleague, no way to talk to someone who can save your life in a mission. But, but it isn’t anything new is it? How many times did Jiraiya heard people talking like that, or even worse crueler things, about or even to Orochimaru? He grips the branch a little rougher than he should and watches as the girl’s shoulders get tenser, her hands trembling in what he can’t say it’s sadness or anger or both.

“You are right! Do you miss him, freak? Are you going to be a traitor like you sensei, are you going to follow him into whatever hole he went to?” The first boy is clearly the leader of the group and the one taking more pleasure out of this

“But she can’t go with him, did you forgot? He left her behind.” Araka buts in, a small smirk in his lips “She wasn’t good enough.”

That clearly set something off on the girl because before Jiraiya could think about putting an end to that she lashed at them, kunai draw and pointed to the first boy who yelled and moved away but not fast enough to avoid a rather deep cut to his cheek. The other two didn’t wait for him before dashing away and with a bit of delay the bleeding boy was out of sight too leaving the girl alone.

She turns to the forest then and Jiraiya holds his breath in shock. He knows her, she’s different now, older of course and there is a guarded distrust in her posture that wasn’t there before, but the eyes and the format of the face are too familiar to be anyone else. It’s Anko, Orochimaru’s student, the girl on who he put some sort of seal before leaving the Village.

The words of the boys make way more sense now, the way she holds herself too.

He watches while she breathes deeply and let the kunai drop to the grass, and there is just something incredible heartbreaking in the image, in the way her shoulders drop and her eyes are on the floor, the quiet resignation of someone who is used to it and didn’t mean to lash out, who is beating herself over her natural reaction.

Jiraiya feels a bit sadder, a bit angrier at the village. Is this going for how long? How many times did something like this happened to her, or even worse things? How  _ dare _ they blame this girl for being Orochimaru’s student, for having a seal she didn’t choose? Anko is a fucking  _ victim _ .

He considers going to talk to her but stops himself, there are just certain situations in which words are useless, what good does his sympathy does for her? He doesn’t know what happened with her ever since Orochi left the Village, he can’t just show up in front of her like he does, Anko will probably not be very delighted by that. So Jiraiya even his breathing and watches her enter the forest disappearing within the trees.

The rest of the day is less eventful even if it does nothing to smooth the ache in his heart or to make him more forgiving towards the Village. He watches Naruto for the most part of the day, sees him at only 5 years old running around trying to find something or someone to play with only to be rejected each time either by the children themselves or by parents with fearful eyes and angry features, the boy’s face falls every time but he doesn’t cry once just picks himself up and tries again.

Naruto is a strong boy.

But he shouldn’t need to be one this early.

He sees Anko too, hear the whispers as she passes by people, mostly by civilians but some ninjas joy in it, the way no one really looks or talk to her even as she enters a shop. The girl is a pariah too and she knows it, of course she does, it’s clear in the way she glares at people, the way she walks with her back straight but still chooses to keep close to the shadows.

He doesn’t see Kakashi and can’t tell if that is good or not, maybe it means the young man is resting like should, maybe it means he is getting himself in some stupid situation. Jiraiya needs to remember himself that Kakashi is an adult who probably knows what’s better for himself more than Jiraiya does.

The day passes and Jiraiya thinks he has what he needs, evidence about the awful way Naruto is being treated by the Village and some pretty strong arguments about why this is such a bad ridiculous idea (and the fact that he actually  _ needs _ to tell people that is wrong to abuse a child makes him sick), basically Jiraiya thinks he is absolutely ready to confront his sensei in the next day and leave with a positive result, there is a part of him who will always trust Sarutobi-sensei to make the best, most human solution regarding the Village and he has no reason to believe this will change.

But he will wait, bids his time so he wouldn’t receive just a “now it’s late for such talks, come back tomorrow Jiraiya and we can see what I can do” which will then turn into an endless wait because a Hokage hardly gets free time, the secret is to show up as a surprise and make himself be heard. Until then he will just get a good night of sleep to make up for the missed one, the Forest of Death is not quite the most comfortable place but Jiraiya had it worse before.

When he finally manages to will himself to sleep the regret is instantaneous.

He dreams. Dreams of lost and sad children.

Dreams about his classmates, many who are long dead and others who are nothing more than empty shells locked in the mental ward, destroyed by a war they didn’t start.

About Tsunade who was always fierce, full of life, ready to fight and protect everyone, beautiful and smart and with the most beautiful smile of this world, and his traitorous mind conjured images of how she must have looked when leaving Konoha, broken and grieving.

About Orochimaru who was always a little bit weird, a little too ruthless, too clever for other’s dignity, who never quite understood empathy or mercy but was loyal to the bone, had the best plans and was always there when they needed him, never refusing his help.

About Naki who died so young and smiled so freely, who had so much of his dreams interrupted and destroyed in such a cruel way. About Dan who never left the war destroy his kindness, who had so much potential, who could truly be Hokage, and a great one at that, if fate was more kind. About Konan, Yahiko and Nagato who are thrown in a war that never had nothing to do with them, victims of greed and anger who died for nothing. About his other student’s, Minato’s teammates, who died too young, who never got the chance to truly be something more than soldiers, both dragged and destroyed in the war.

About Minato who was always smiling, always there to help those who needed him, a man who knew how to fight, knew how to kill, but who always preferred to show mercy, who loved too much. About Kushina who was so full of life and happiness, a free spirit who never let herself be held back by others, strong but kind, looking to change the world in her own special way.

About Uchiha Obito dead under a rock, young,  _ too young _ to have blood on his hands, too young to have been killed in such a cruel way. About Nohara Rin who died to protect the Village, who took a burden too heavy for the shoulders of someone who was barely a teenager, just another victim of old resentments.

About so many other young lives who are lost for no reason at all. Because there is no reason good enough in Jiraiya’s book for war, not when he saw the suffering it brings, the pain in the eyes of innocents, the bodies of children caught in the crossfire or of children send to the crossfire.

When he wakes up there is a bitter taste in his mouth and a silent plea for Naruto. Jiraiya is not sure if the human heart can take so much sadness and guilt.

(“Well deserved guilt” A traitorous voice in his head keeps on remembering)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay may be noted that the Naruto timeline is a nightmare that made me want to cry when i was making research for this fic and so some of the dates may be wrong and i took some liberties.  
> In cannon Orochimaru flees the Village a little after Minato's death, at this point Itachi is already a shinobi and Kabuto as been taken in ROOT so i'm guessing it happens when Naruto is close to 2/3 years. He joins Akatsuki shortly after and leaves when Itachi join so at this point Naruto is 7 years old and Kabuto is already working with him (Since for the whole situation with Sasori happen i assume he should had meet Kabuto)  
> What i'm changing is basically when Orochi leaves Akatsuki, here he leaves two years early when Naruto is 5 and so before the Uchiha Massacre.  
> Kabuto is likely six years older than Naruto (He was around 19 in the Chunnin Exams) so in the events of this chapter he is 11 years old and have just joined Orochi, Anko is older than him (Around 24 in the Exams) so she is close to 16 while Kakashi is close to his 18 and Tenzo is likely closer to Anko's age making him 15 in this. It's probably a mess and i got half of this wrong but bear with me please? I tried but everything is hella confusing with no enough clear dates.


End file.
